Today is my beautiful daughter’s twenty-sixth birthday. She impacted my life in so many ways in the six months we were together. She taught me so many lessons in appreciating the wonder of life. This little baby needed to gain weight so, I would explain to her how food tasted so she know there can be delight in eating when she got better, older and big enough to eat. Because she was always in the hospital, I would describe what it felt like to feel the sun on your skin, how the wind can touch without being seen, and the pelt of a raindrop on your face – all the sensations of living. I learned the value and sacredness of the ordinary by painting images with my words for her.
Several months after she died, I was still struggling to find an emotional foot hold. In talking to a very wise woman about my sense of loss of “who” I was while struggling to define “who” this new person which I was trying to piece together could be, I mentioned that, I had liked who I was and I didn’t want to change my perception of “me”. Expecting my friend to assure me that I would return to my former self and continue where I left off with the passage of time, she surprised me with truth and wisdom. “No. You will never be that person again.” She told me, “…and you will not stay the person you are becoming now”. This was not what I wanted to hear! But, she was right and I knew it. New events, good and not so good, continue to affect my persona. I could let hardships destroy me by allowing myself the luxuries of pity, hatred or fear. Or, I could gain strength and insight by overcoming adversities by banking the experiences as a bulwark for future misfortune or realize to appreciate the sensation of being saturated with true joy. Although, my friend knew her words would be painful for me to hear, I am forever grateful she loved me enough to give me a thorough dusting off before setting me back on my path.
recover4shore 